Jolly Llama & Dieticians

As I mentioned yesterday, I had an appointment at ASU today for the Nutrition program. The counselor was very friendly and informative. One thing I know for sure from my visit... I am not meant to be a dietician. The degree is heavily based on chemistry and I absolutely dislike that stuff! I think it is a wonderful field, but definitely not for me. I would have 2 more yrs. of college plus I have to do a 1yr. internship. The internship is unpaid and it is very hard to get into one. 50% of applicants who apply for internships do not get in. No thank you! I've been down that road before with nursing. The classes were ridiculously hard and it was so competitive. The benefit of today's appointment is that I finally decided Non-Profit Leadership & Management is for me. I have been second guessing myself this whole last year. I have looked into everything from Photography to Accounting. Today confirmed to me that I have made the right choice. Well, as long as financial aid comes through and I get in-state tuition.

Honestly, I am really tired of school. I have been in college for 4yrs. and I am only coming out with an Associate in Arts. Why? Because I just can't seem to decide on a major. I was in nursing so long that I have had trouble figuring out what else to do. I just keep praying and asking for God's guidance. I know it will all work out.

Now for how I'm doing on my diet! I stuck to my points today despite numerous temptations. My brother decided to buy donuts and sugar cookies. I hate it when he brings that stuff into the house. I just keep reminding myself that this will all be worth it. I'm choosing to change my lifestyle. I know I will feel better and be healthier in the long run. I haven't been to the gym this week. So much else has been going on. I'm hoping to start going on Thursday. I have a ton of homework to do tomorrow.

Today I have had:

Breakfast--
1. 2 bananas
2. Jolly Llama Acai Berry Sorbet (just discovered it at Whole Foods today...so yummy!)

Lunch--
1. Garden Veggie Burger with WW cheese, ketchup, & mustard
2. 1/2c. cottage cheese
3. Rice cake
4. Cranberry Vitamuffin (another new find)
5. Yogurt covered raisins

Dinner--
1. A low-fat frozen burrito (just did not want to cook)
2. 1 bag of low-fat kettle corn
3. Caribbean fruit bar
4. Another yummy Vitamuffin
5. Dannon Light n' fit vanilla yogurt (1/2c.) with 1/4c. rasberries

It seems like a lot, but I get 37 pts. Another good day!! I'm going to get some homework done and rest.

Day 1--Happy Valentine's Day!

Why is my title Day 1? Well, this is the first day of my new journey toward healthy living. I am going back on weight watchers. My current weight is 214lbs. It feels good to be able to get that out. I never tell anyone my weight these days except for my mom. I am hoping to get down to 160lbs. That is a total of 54lbs. It seems like a daunting task considering how long I have been heavy and how long it is going to take to lose the weight. I am determined and excited. I know there will be challenges, but I'm ready.

This week I am going to focus on sticking to my points and incorporating exercise into my lifestyle. My recent trips and company have caused me to go off track. I am going to try to attend a ZUMBA class at the YMCA today. They are usually pretty packed.

For breakfast I am having:

1. English muffin w/ 1 tbsp. of WW creme cheese
2. 1/2 c. of light n' fit vanilla yogurt (I love this yogurt!)
3. 1/4c. of Kashi Golden Goodness (to go in the yogurt)
4. 1 apple

I haven't totaled the WW points, but I think it is about 9. I am hoping to cook a yummy WW meal tonight. I haven't decided on what yet. Maybe something with chicken? I will try and post pics of the food I eat each day and the recipes I make.

In other news...my dad is in town!! I mentioned before that he is supposed to deploy to Iraq this month. Well, he flew in last night to surprise my mom for Valentine's Day. How romantic is that? I am so glad I get to see him one last time before he goes. We will miss him a lot.

I have a few things on the agenda today. I need to get my migraine prescription taken care of, call ASU about the Nutrition program, and apply for a job. I have always loved food and been interested in nutrition. So, I think it might be the right fit.

Everything's Bigger in Texas!

My little bro & I

I am the great state of Texas today. Why you may ask? I am here to visit my dad before he leaves for Iraq. He is a helicopter pilot in the army (awesoem job right?). My mom and little brother are here as well. I had a great night of sleep last night. I have not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I suffer from severe migraines and I have been having quite a few recently. They are the type that I have to take medicine and lay down all day. I get blurred vision, nausea, and a lot of other symptoms. The pain is excruciating and I sometimes have to go to the ER to get some relief. I was migraine free this last year. So great! I was taking Topiramate/Topamax and it reduced my migraines greatly. However, I was dropped from my parent's health insurance last summer. SO, I had to stop taking the medicine. The migraines returned almost immediately. They are debilitating and keep me in bed for a day or more. They really hinder my life and I keep praying that God will heal me. I'm trying to get back on the medicine. Hopefully everything will work out.

So what does that have to do with losing weight? Well, the migraines hinder me from being healthy and feeling good. I have to cut out exercise because the migraines seem to be worse after I work out. I just get so frustrated because I want to run a 5k one of these days. But the migraines hinder me from exercising like I want to and I love to exercise! I have a membership at the YMCA and my new fav class is ZUMBA.

It is a great workout and oh so much fun. But I have not been able to go becuase I have been feeling sick. Did I mention that I have had a cold for 2 1/2weeks? I think I'm falling apart. I am just now getting over it. PTL! Anyway, I have been trying to hike and things like that, but my head has been bothering me a lot. When I get back home, I plan on resuming both my diet (Weight Watchers) and going to ZUMBA. I'm not giving up!

Right now, I'm trying to maintain my weight and not gain anymore. Today I have not been to great. So far I have had a non-fat yogurt, yogurt covered raisins (see a pattern here?), tortilla with PB & honey, and a oatmeal cream pie. Yes, my eating habits are random and unhealthy. It is something I am going to work on when I get home. My goal for this week is to focus on adding in more healthy items such as fruits & veggies. I am going to try to keep my portions smaller. I think those are good goals.

My battle with food & weight

So, I have been reading a bunch of blogs lately. They are of people who have or are losing weight. I find reading them very inspiring. I have read of the struggles people face each day as they work to overcome their addiction to food. It really is an addiction. Food is something I think a lot about. I am always planning my next unhealthy meal. I obsess over my weight constantly because I know I'm not healthy. I went to the gym last year and was told my BMI is 30. It is probably worse now that I have gained more weight. I am the heaviest I have ever been in my whole life. My weight struggles began when I was 12 or 13 years old. I remember getting on the scale and realizing I had
gained a couple pounds. I made sure to eat very little over the next few days. I have moved a lot over my life and it seems that every time I move I end up gaining weight. When I moved to CO with the family, I gained about 20lbs. eating junk. I had my tonsils removed and lost all the weight. As I began to get serious with soccer, I slowly gained the weight back and ended up around 186lbs. I still remember telling my goalie coach I was going to lose some weight to make me quicker in the goal. I hoped (secretly) that he would disagree and say I was just fine. However, he did not and told me I could use losing some weight. That crushed me... I was not even that heavy at that point. Then, my family again moved to TX. I went through some emotional struggles and ended up gaining around 30 more lbs. I tipped the scales at 213lbs. I ended up going on Weight Watchers and lost about 13lbs. Then, I got sick of being fat and began to starve myself. I would go all day without eating and then have half a peanut butter sandwich. I lost 40lbs. and was sickly as can be. I would always give excuses to my friends and family about why I wasn't eating or why I was eating so little. My family and friends worried about me, but they hoped I would snap out of it. I look back and wonder what caused me to become anorexic and I realize it had to do with my biological father. He came to visit me before I started my first year of college. After seeing me, he asked what was going on with my face. I have struggled with cystic acne since I turned 16. My skin was at its worst then. I had red pustules on my face and tons of white heads. My skin was scaring and I looked terrible. You can see in the pic below:

My dad then proceeded to ask me what he could do to help. The acne covered not only my face, but my chest, back, and the backs of my arms. I was shocked by his statement. I had not thought my skin was that bad. My parents had told me not to worry and that it would go away. You see, I have the best parents (mom & step-dad) in the world. They have always been positive towards me and told me I'm beautiful. But here was my biological father telling me I was scary looking and not that attractive. He may not have said it, but that is what I felt. So, I made an appointment with my dermatologist and went on Accutane. I would never recommend that anyone go on that stuff. It got rid of the acne for a time, but it also made my skin crack and bleed and my hair fell out. Yikes!! By the way, my acne has returned, but it is not as bad as back then. Anyway, I believe that is what triggered me to feel ugly and fat and caused me to start starving myself. I began my first semester of college and did snap out of it. I actually began eating a lot from the stress of school and being away from my family. I gained about 30lbs my first year of college. Ever since then, I have maintained a weight of around 190lbs. I will gain about 13lbs and then lose it with WW or by eating lots of fruits and veggies. I got accepted to nursing school and gained weight from that stress. I got out of nursing school and lost the weight to get back to 190. Then, I moved with my family to Arizona and I have gained around 20lbs. Change makes my life feel chaotic and I just eat to cope. Right now, I am at my heaviest EVER. I joined WW, but have not stuck with it. I feel stuck right now. I can't stand being this heavy. I keep thinking, "I'm 23! I should be healthy and happy!" But I am not happy with my appearance. I eat way to much and need to learn better coping methods. I want to win this battle, but feel so defeated. I need strength and determination. I need the Lord's help to overcome this weakness in my life. My battle with food and weight has been lifelong and I'm ready to overcome it. I want to be whole from the inside out.

That is me on the right.

Off to church I go!

I am headed to church early this morning. I will be picking up a couple of members who are shut-ins. Today I resolve to a more healthy lifestyle! I AM going to do this.

Blew it...

Okay, I blew it today. I was planning on starting my healthy eating today, but I failed...again. I am so frustrated! I now weight 213lbs. I have been this heavy at one other time in my life. I feel depressed about it. I feel as though I will never be able to lose this weight and stop feeling like a fat girl. I have such self-destructive eating habits. When I mess up, I continue to eat because I feel so bad about it. I need to stop myself and not splurge anymore than I already have.

I started off great this morning by eating a yogurt, raisins, and a 100cal. bagel with WW cream cheese. Then we went to MoJo's. They have the best non-fat yogurt. Instead of just getting a little bit, I got a lot and added bad stuff like caramel and cookie dough. Ugh! Then we went to the mall and I got a chipotle wrap at Paradise Bakery. I also had a peanut butter and chocolate chip cookie. To top of this great day, I had a bowl of WW chicken noodle soup. Way too many calories and I find myself stuffed and miserable. When will I ever learn!

I so desire to be healthy, thin, and able to run. I want to enter a 5k, but I never will at this rate. Despite such a bad week of eating, I am determined to win this battle and become healthier. Food will not control my life! So, I am going to begin anew tomorrow and conquer this monster. I am determined!! 

New Beginnings...

Today marks the first day of my journey toward healthy living. I am beginning Weight Watchers and hope to lose 30lbs. by the end of summer. I want to focus on being healthy and feeling good. I want to take back my life and have control over my eating habits. I want to get my migraines under control so I can run my first 3k. So here is to the first day of the rest of my life!!